


S.I.L.E.N.C.E

by Khamûl (Khamul_Ulairi)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Maybe Lovers, Enough Tags?, F/M, Feelings, First Summary, First fiction, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hope, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I'm learning Tagging, Might update the Summary, No Pregnancy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Reylo - Freeform, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, after 5 years, chapter-count might be updated, either increased or decreased, no beta writer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24044134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khamul_Ulairi/pseuds/Kham%C3%BBl
Summary: Six month have passed since the battle of Crait. Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence. What will the future hold for the galaxy and our most-beloved forcepower-couple? Find out.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter: 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> And welcome to my very first fic, well my very first after 5 years of absence. Started out writing fic at fanfiction.net (Shira/Diego for anyone interested), but never really comitted there to be honest. But now I've decided to start anew In light of the distaster that was TRoS, I've decided to start writing for my favorite ship of all times, Reylo.  
> As I already mentioned, it's been a while since I've wrote fanfiction and I'm only just now getting a hang of all the things that AO3 does better at it (in terms of format, ...), even though I've been reading fiction on AO3 for the last 3 years.
> 
> One another note, English isn't my first language and this work probably won't be beta'd (at least the first chapter), so there might be some little mistakes. Please let the pitchfork and torches rest for just a moment.  
> This fic is my first try for writing Reylo fic, it will be multi-chaptered, even though I do not know to what extend, yet. The first chapter is quite short, but future chapter will be longer, when I successfully got a hang of all this. Even though I do not know to what extend, yet. I sincerly hope you enjoy this first chapter and all the chapter that will follow!
> 
> Please Enjoy! Khamûl aka. Sascha

**CHAPTER: 1**

Silence is all he could hear, despite all the bustling activities going on around him. He doesn’t hear them.

Not the officers or enlisted personal on the bridge, following or giving orders to keep the Finalizer running at all times.

Not General Hux, shouting orders and directives to the crew, directives they decided on only half an hour ago, despite that, he doesn’t remember them, at least not really.

It was never quite inside his head, not even when the voices weren’t present. At night, desperate to sleep, he sometimes heard his parents talking, talking about him.

“ _We_ _don’t what to do with him, it’s getting out of control, we can’t help him?”_ Leia, his mother, said one day, after he shattered an expensive looking vase with that power, that power he doesn’t know how to control, doesn’t understand.

It was an accident, a moment of anger and uncontrolled temper. His parents never listened, never tried to understand him, they listen to him when he tries to explain, but yet they don’t listen.

He’s alone, he’d thought, but then the voices would always come and promise him, he wasn’t alone. That he’s got someone, who understands him, someone who knows him.

They were afraid of him that night, he knows that. They didn’t tell him but he knew they were afraid, saw it in their eyes when the porcelain shattered to pieces, shard flying everywhere.

“ _He is a monster!”_ , he heard his father say that night, _“He’s is your son!”_.

Maybe he’s both, he thinks, before falling into a restless sleep, his parents words always present in his head.

They never tried to understand, especially his father, instead chose to send him off to his uncle, because they were afraid, afraid of their own son, their own flesh and blood.

He never wanted to be a Jedi, he wanted to be something else, a pilot maybe, like his father, maybe even a senator. But it doesn’t matter, because they never listened.

During his time with his uncle, the voices only grew louder inside his head. Now they were always present, no matter if he was asleep or awake. The voices inside his head, were always there, whispering things inside his head. Things he already knew, but accepted all the same.

_They don’t know you, they never tried to!_

_They’re afraid of you, afraid of what you are!_

He tried to ignore, them, often succeeded, but at night, he let them in. Comforting him, while he slept.

Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence.

When there is silence, his thoughts run wild, into a million directions, always coming back to only one thing, one thought, _her._

Isn’t it strange, how one person, one person in your life can occupy so much of your time and thoughts.

He knows he shouldn’t dwell on it. After all it would make no difference. There were supposed to be enemies, enemies on different sides of war, even though, deep down, he knew there were more than that

Something more than enemies, two of the same, more alike than she would like to admit, at least for now

They were bound to one another, they belonged together, he knew it.

But it didn’t really matter any more. He had offered her everything he had, everything she could’ve wished for and she betrayed him, ran back to those thieves and murderers of the resistance.

Her friends, she had called them, did they know, what happened, did they know her, like he did, her thoughts, her past. Had she confided in them like she had in him, in that dark cave, when she had called to him, desperate for someone to talk to, to listen to her.

She had confided in him, told him of her loneliness, her fear of being left behind.

How he longed for that moment now, just two people, a moment shared, in their loneliness, comforting her, it had felt good, to comfort her, to be there with her, for her.

“ _You’re not alone”_ , he’d told her. Had meant it, with what remained of his shrivelled heart.

They were very alike, he’d always known that. From the first moment inside that interrogation chapter he’d known they were alike.

Both of them were left alone from the beginning, his abandonment stemming from parents and uncle who weren’t there, hers from parents who weren’t present.

His parents, his never there to listen, to comfort, to love, to simply be there, always to busy.

Hers never there at all, abandoned by those who should’ve loved her, cared for her, fed her.

He shouldn’t dwell, he reminds himself. She made her choice, he’d had thought she would be different than everyone else, different than his parents, than his uncle.

She abandoned him, like his parents had abandoned him, like her parents had abandoned her, but still.

He saw something that night, the night they shared in that cave. He saw she would turn and stand by his side. It was fate, their future, he saw it with his own eyes.

Maybe, he would have to be patient, patient for her to come to him, to see how they belonged together, how perfectly they would fit, together.

She said she saw something too, saw that he would turn, he couldn’t, he knew that, it was too late for him, but not for her. She could still turn and she would, he’d seen it.

They wouldn’t have to be alone any more. Maybe patience was the key, but was he really patient enough to wait for her, maybe he would try and nudge her into the right direction, give fate a little push.

But how, the bond that tied them together was closed on her side, she wasn’t willing to see or talk to him, willing to see the truth, of them.

Not that he was any different, up until now at least. It’s been six month since he’d last seen her, looking down at him, kneeling before her.

That look in her eyes forever engrained in his head, neither hatred or compassion, but something else, something he couldn’t quite place.

How dare she, she was the one that had left him on the Supremacy. Not the other way around. She had left him behind. But it didn’t matter. Not any more.

He would find a way and make her see, he knew it.

And thus, he came to a conclusion, a plan growing inside his head. She’d make her see. Soon enough.

His thoughts drifted away and the silence returned, the silence he despised so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, leave a Kudos if you did and please do leave a comment to let me know what you thought.
> 
> Khamûl/Sascha on Twitter: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Acliptika)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six month have passed since the battle of Crait. Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, here's the next chapter on my very first Reylo fanfiction S.I.L.E.N.C.E. I am very sorry that this got delayed like it did and the reason for that is very simple. I recently got hooked-up on GTA V online again and have been playing it every since, not finding the time this week to write. But I got there now, I do hope you enjoy and leave a comment, kudos or anything, it would make my day. Also this chapter is about 300 or 400 words longer than the last, so there's that!  
> EDIT:  
> One another note, English isn't my first language and this work probably won't be beta'd, so there might be some little mistakes. Please let the pitchfork and torches rest for just a moment.
> 
> Please Enjoy! Khamûl aka. Sascha

Silence fell upon the  Resistance base as the moon rose in the sky, casting a pale shadow upon the meagre base and their inhabitance.

Six month after the disaster that was the Battle on Crait, the Resistance had managed to find a suitable base of operation on the  fourth moon of Yavin, Yavin IV. 

After losing almost everything on Crait, the Resistance refurbished the old rebel-base that once stood there and managed to somewhat replenish their own ranks.

They now numbered around one-hundred members, still small compared to the old Rebel Alliance, they managed to continue to grow every week, there were always people willing to fight for freedom, even if they were few in numbers.

They were low on manpower, material, ships and weapons, but despite this dire state, they didn’t lose their most powerful weapon, hope!

Hope that they could win this war and free the galaxy of tyranny.

\- - -

Rey sat alone in her makeshift bed, having managed to be gifted her own room inside a crumbled temple structure, the rain pelting against their heavy stone frame. The room, a gift because of her status as ‘The Last Jedi’, a title she wasn’t as comfortable with, as many of her comrades hoped.

These ruins posed as her new quarters.  _ My new home _ , she thought to herself. Did she ever have a real  _ home _ , certainly her AT-AT on Jakku had counted as such. Harbouring her all her life, giving her shelter from the sandstorms and other dangers that plagued the sun-backed Desert of Jakku.

It had felt like  _ home _ , to her. No matter how poor it may seem to others, it had always felt good to get back there. 

After a long day of scavenging, it had always felt good to come back _home_ to _her_ AT-AT. To come back to all those things she managed to gather during her life on Jakku. 

The hammock she built for herself when she was  but a little girl, still hoping for her parents to return.

The flight simulator she managed to build out of scavenged materials, learning to fly even without ever having seen the stars.

A nd her most-prized treasure, the night flowers she managed to grow inside her  _ home. _ The sight of their beautiful petals somehow cheering her up, when she felt down and alone.

Sometimes they managed to gave her hope, if these flowers managed to grow in this harsh land and still bloom, so would she.

_ Yes! _ She thought, the AT-AT was her  _ home _ , it was always a  _ home _ to her, in the past. Now, as she sat on the edge of her makeshift bed, unable to sleep,  she thought to herself,  _ Will I ever find that again, a real place to call home, a  real Place to stay,  forever ? _

The Resistance were her people now, people she called her friends, people she cared for and loved as her family.  _ The family I never had _ , she thought.

But sometimes, when she was alone, she began to doubt.

Doubt always found her this late at night. She cared and loved these people around her. But they didn’t understand her, never really tried to.

She couldn’t confide in them, couldn’t tell them the things that happened on the Supremacy, the reason she went there in the first place. She wanted to tell them, but she couldn’t. They wouldn’t understand.

They saw her as their hero, their ‘Jedi’, their ‘secret weapon’ against the Order. But she didn’t feel like that. She didn’t feel like a weapon, didn’t want to be. She wanted to be Rey, just Rey.

There was someone who had understood her, who had in time comforted her, when she had felt down and alone, that _night_ on Ahch-To. After what the cave had shown her that night, she had immediately reached out to _him_ , she knew that _he_ would understand.

It had felt so good, so natural to confide in _him_ , to tell him the things that haunted her at night and he had listened. Despite the position they had found themselves in, on opposite sides of a war, he had listened to her, helped her, comforted her.

_He_ had told her that she wasn’t alone, _he_ meant it, she knew it. _He_ had never lied to her and in turn she never lied to _him_. She told _him_ he wasn’t alone either.

She saw _him_ then, the real _him_. The boy he used to be, the boy he still was, under the mask he wore to the outside.

She knew he would turn, turn and be the man he really was. The man he always was supposed to be. He would turn and come back with her, she would come back with him.

But in the end, it wasn’t to be. He didn’t turn and she was left to return to the Resistance alone, without him.

She had been so sure, so confident that he would turn, given the chance. It had felt to right with him, to be with him. Touching him inside that hut on Ahch-To, their walls crumbled, laying bare their feelings for each other.

He had comforted her, helped her, saved her from Snoke. They had fought together. Fighting with him in the throne room, back-to-back, perfectly in sync, one force together, perfectly balanced. It had felt so perfect. It had felt to right, but in the end it didn’t matter.

He didn’t chose her, he had chosen power and abandoned her, like she was nothing, like nothing had mattered to him. _But it had, hadn’t it?_

He had pleaded with her, begged her to stay with him, but she couldn’t. No matter how tempted she had been in that moment, to take his hand and be with him, she couldn’t, not like this. No matter how much she had wanted to.

She had pleaded with him in turn, begged him not go this way and leave all of this behind, She wanted him to come back with her, to the Resistance, his _mother_. But he hadn’t come back and she had cried, inside that escape pod she had cried, for her, for the Resistance, for his mother, but mostly for _hi_ _m._

Why had the force been so cruel to her, shown her hope and a bright and beautiful future, only to snatch it away from her. She had seen it, in the hut. _Their_ future, _together_. She had known it would come to pass, she had been foolish. Foolish enough to think she would be enough, she never was enough, not for her parents to stay, not for _Ben_ to come back. _Foolish child_.

But why had it felt so real then, so close, so bright and perfect, if it wasn’t come to pass. _Maybe it still could,_ a part of her mind whispered to her.

Maybe it still could be, maybe it hadn’t been the right time or place. _It still could, couldn’t it?_ Or was it too late, both of them having made their choice, not chosing each other. Maybe they were destined to be apart, never on the same side. _But they had been, for a time,_ her mind whispered again.

_No!_ She knew what she saw that night. She believed it would come to pass, her vision would come true. She knew it. She just had to be patient.

She had learned two things on Jakku, how to fix  _broken things_ and to  _wait_ . She would wait, she could do it. But maybe, she could do something  _more._ Maybe she could  give fate a little push.

_But how?_ She had closed their bond  six month ago, hadn’t she? It hadn’t opened since she closed that door on the Falcon.  The  _look_ on his face in that moment would haunt her forever, forever edged in to her memory.

The bond was closed, hadn’t opened once in the six month since she closed that door. Maybe she would never see  _him_ like that again. Something told her that wasn’t true, something told her the force would find a way, find a way for  _them,_ she just had to be patient _._ She chose to believe in her vision,  _their_ vision.

And as if hearing her thoughts and giv ing them form, her room went quiet. The sounds of the  rain swallowed by silence. The sound of her own breathing the only thing she could hear now.

She looked up and there  _he_ was, her dream,  her  nightmare, her enemy,  her  saviour ,  her other half,  sitting across the room,  surprise and shock in his face, mirroring her own. He looked up and met her gaze. _“Ben?” “Rey?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, leave a Kudos if you did and please do leave a comment to let me know what you thought.
> 
> Khamûl/Sascha on Twitter: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Acliptika)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six month have passed since the battle of Crait. Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence. What will the future hold for the galaxy and our most-beloved forcepower-couple? Find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update by yours truly. A lot of conversation in this one, part of the reason it got published a little bit later than I originally intended, since I wanted to get this dialogue right. There are two people in this, two people who have been abandoned in their lives, one way or another and given the circumstances in which they parted in TLJ, there is bound to be tension and unresolved hurt.
> 
> In any case, if you happen to have any question regarding my thought process with this dialogue and these two lovebirds, or theories, other questions you'd like to share, please feel free to share them with me here or on twitter (link down below).  
> On a side note, I always envisioned Rey as very very compassionate and empathatic and that really does show in this, at least I hope it does.  
> Please do consider leaving kudos and comments, they really do brighten my days and I love to read your thoughts and happy notes, as every author does. 
> 
> Please Enjoy! Khamûl aka. Sascha

Silence stretched out between them. Neither of them saying a word, neither of them moving an inch. Afraid of what would happen, afraid of shattering the Illusion that this was real, that this was really happening.

It’s been six month for them, six month of silence, six month of repressed feelings of longing, anger and betrayal. All it would take was a single spark to ignite this moment into something neither of them was prepared to face.

It began with a single question, choked out in anguish. _“Why? Why did you leave me?”_

She was too stunned to answer, it’s been six month. Six month of silence, six month of longing and anger, always directed at herself, for being foolish, for believing in this vision, for believing _he_ would turn, only to be disappointed.

He didn’t stop there, he went on. Spitting at her with fury in his eyes, which had turned into slits, watching her, like a hawk might watch his prey, in this moment he was the monster again.

“ _You are just like everyone else, no better than Han and the General!”_

The accusation and mention of his parents stung and shock her out of her stupor, now as she looked at him, for the first time in six month, she saw how much he too must have suffered in the past months.

His face even paler since she’ last seen him, his soulful brown eyes rimmed with red and his entire body marked with fatigue.

A small part of her, the darker part inside her that was always present in the back, delighted in the knowledge that he too was suffering under their separation, only to be silence immediately after. _This_ _is_ _not how this was supposed to_ _be._

But his accusation and harsh words not only stung, but ignited her own anger in this moment.

“ _How dare you Kylo! How dare you to accuse me of leaving you. When I was only trying to help you! But you were too blind and selfish to see that, too blind for power and control!”_

He flinched visibly when she called him by his chosen name. She knew using this name would hurt him, but it felt good in that moment, good to be able to send his fury right back at him and thus she went on.

“ _You used me for power, I thought you would turn, I thought you would turn, if someone would give you the chance, but I was wrong and foolish. Maybe you truly are a monster!”_

“ _Yes I am, I am a monster! But you always knew that, didn’t you? Still you came to me. Why? Don’t pretend you wanted to save me, don’t pretend you cared enough for me to save me!”_

“ _You wanted to use me, just like everyone else. First Luke, he wanted me to be his golden Jedi, I never wanted to be a Jedi, but that didn’t matter, that fate was decided for me and look how that turned out._

_Then came Snoke, he used me for my power just like Luke did, but at least he gave me a purpose, a future, more than can be said for my hermit uncle._

_Then you, don’t pretend you wanted to save me, you never cared for me, you cared for your traitor friends and the General and wanted to save them, not me. You didn’t care for me, you wanted to use me to help the Resistance, your friends. Don’t accuse of me being selfish, when you’re just as guilty!”,_ he shouted!

Rey was speechless in that moment, stunned by how hurt he sounded, how wounded, was that really what he thought were her intentions, when she went to him on the Supremacy. She already knew the answer, is was written all over his face, his expression full of hurt and anger.

His mental shields fell for just a second and she realised that the anger was not directed at her, only a sliver at her, but mostly at himself. He was angry at himself. She didn’t know why, his mind already closed off against hers.

“ _Ben?”_ she called him then, his real name, the one he had forsaken so long ago, but in that moment of his accusations, his hurt, she saw a glimpse of the boy, the man he used to be. The man she had cried for in that escape pod, the man who was imprisoned inside that monster, the man she was certain would return to her, one day.

“ _Ben?”_ she called him again, but when she blinked, he was suddenly gone. Gone from her room, taking the silence with him. The rain outside continued to pelt down outside her shelter and when she looked outside of her window, staring into the night, her thoughts stayed on _him._

\- - -

Again she couldn’t help but wonder for a moment, if things could’ve been different for them. What things would’ve been like if she had taken his hand in the throne room.

Again she admitted that she had been tempted, but it wasn’t the right way. Her vision had told her as much. He would be the one to turn, she knew it.

But why did he think so bad of her intentions. Why did he think she came to use, not help him when she had every intention to help. Despite their supposed roles in all of this, on opposite sides of war, for some reason she didn’t want to admit to herself, she didn’t want him to think of her like this, especially since it couldn’t be further from the truth.

But how could she convince him of her true intentions. She wanted to help him, help him heal and be better, but he wouldn’t listen, at least not now. _He’s stubborn_ , she thought. _Just like you_ , added the traitorous part of her brain.

It was in moments like these, when she wished she could talk to someone, could share her thoughts and problems with someone else, someone who would understand, but they would never understand, would never listen.

The only person who would, was the sole reason she had these problems in the first place.

Maybe she could try and talk to the General, _his mother,_ maybe she could help her, at least she might be willing to hear her out at least, before kicking her out for conversing with the enemy. _No, the General wouldn’t do that, would she? He’ still her son,_ her mind helpfully supplied. If there was someone in the Resistance who would at least try to understand, it would be her.

A plan was starting to form inside her head, an idea what to do next, instead of remaining in standstill, she could actually do something. _Progress_ , she thought, at least for herself and her troubled mind and relationship to her supposed enemy. _Relationship?,_ _m_ _aybe_ _it could be_ , _sometime,_ she thought hopefully to herself.

He wasn’t her enemy, she never really thought of him as her enemy, at least not since seeing _him_ for the first time over their bond, the real _him,_ the boy he used to be, the boy he still is, underneath the mask he shows to the outside. _A boy, a man she would like to know and be with..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, leave a Kudos if you did and please do leave a comment to let me know what you thought.
> 
> Khamûl/Sascha on Twitter: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Acliptika)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six month have passed since the battle of Crait. Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence. What will the future hold for the galaxy and our most-beloved forcepower-couple? Find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update by yours truly, this one in the longest chapter for this story to date and I sincerly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I really do hope the dialogue that will happen here doesn't feel stiff or anything, but natural. If you have any questions feel free to ask me here on AO3 or one Twitter (link down below). I'm always up for a chat with anyone who likes my stories or simply wants to talk, about anything really. 
> 
> Please Enjoy! Khamûl aka. Sascha

Silence engulfed him again, after she left. _She always leaves_ , he thought to himself. Maybe it was time for him to realise that and accept that this would be their fate, always. But the hopeful part inside of him persisted, insisting that the vision he saw inside that cave would come true, if only he had the patience to see it through and let fate do it’s course. Again he wondered if he should give fate a little push, a push towards their future. _But how?_

_She deceived me,_ he thought. Even if she claimed his accusations to be false, he knew the truth. He had always been honest with her and in return she breathed lies about her intentions that day.

But he would make her see, they would be together, it was fate.

\- - -

To say that Rey was restless the next day would be an understatement, she had barely gotten enough sleep after her encounter with _him_. She couldn’t shake him off her thoughts, no matter how much he had tried it.

Maybe a part of her didn’t want to, the hopeful part inside her, wanted to keep the memory of _him_ with her _._ Not that she would ever regret thoughts of _him_ , _Ben_ , of _them_ together like she had seen in her vision, but they certainly rendered her ability to find a restful sleep next to useless and lately her thoughts more often found their cause turned to _him._

More often than she would like to admit, more often than what was probably healthy, which is why she was currently finding herself nursing a large can of coffee inside the confides of her private quarters, avoiding her friends as she often did, when she was plagued with these thoughts and trying to find out on how to proceed with the plan she had formed last night.

The only thing she was certain of was, that she couldn’t tell her friend, that maybe the only person who would listen to her was Leia, _his mother_. But she had known that already, what she didn’t know was how to broach the subject of her handsome wayward son with his mother.

_,,Did I just call him handsome?”_ she asked herself, louder than originally intended. Which was quickly followed by the voice of her best friend, standing outside the closed door of her quarters.

_,,Rey are you in there, I was hoping you would have a moment to talk?”_

_Shit, did she hear me? Please no, I’m not ready for that conversation, maybe ever!_ Rey started to panic, before quickly schooling her thoughts and putting on a relaxed face and asking Rose to come in.

Her best friend came inside her quarters and sat beside Rey, smiling at her and putting her at ease, at least for now. _Maybe she didn’t hear?_

_,,Hey Rey, how are you? Everything alright?”_

_,,Yes everything’s fine, why shouldn’t it be?”_

_,,I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me? You’ve barely spend time with us and you always seem so distracted lately. You know you can talk to us, right?”_ Rose looked at her as if she had something more to say, but chose not to, which Rey grateful for.

_,,I know that, I do. I’m just very busy, you know? All the Jedi stuff and everything, after everything that happened.”_

_,,So, you just busy, or is there something else?”_

_,, No, just busy, I promise. Sorry for not spending so much time with your guys, It’s just a lot right now.”_

_,,You know, if you would tell me, maybe I could help you with this Jedi stuff.”_

_,, I wish you could, but I think no one can really help me with this.” There is some who could help,_ her mind chose to remind in her in this moment.

_,,Maybe you just need some time off then, get your mind of things, you know? You can’t be studying all these texts all the time, you’ll be going mad in no time.”_

_,,Maybe I’m already mad and you guys just haven’t noticed yet.”_

_,,Rey…, you are many things, but mad isn’t one of them”,_ she smiled at her and Rey felt her mood starting to lift. _,,You are smart, loyal, independent and you know how to get what you want, not to mention you are gorgeous girl! You could get anyone you want, you know?”_ Now she started to blush at her friends compliments, never having someone say so many positive things about her. She didn’t really know how handle these kind of things, these conversations were new for her, but she longed for them all the same. Only in these moments did she really see, what she had been missing in her years on Jakku.

But apparently Rose wasn’t done talking.  _,,So Rey, now you’re gonna spill. I heard you talking before I came in, you know? Handsome, really? Who is it?”_

With that, the blush on her cheeks started to heat up even more, rising high from her neck, over her freckled cheeks, to her ears peeking out of her hair. She more often wore her hair down these days, especially at night. He told herself it had nothing to do with anything other than her trying out something new, next to her three-bun style, but some voice inside her told her that wasn’t the whole truth.

Right now her blush and her best friend’s questioning prevented her from forming any real thoughts and she started stumbling over her words, in order to maybe leave some of her dignity intact and not reveal anything to Rose she tried it with a simple lie.

_,,Nobody. There is nobody!”_ Rose stared at her, her gaze told Rey everything she needed to know, she wasn’t buying it, not even close.

_,,It’s, it’s nothing really. There is nothing to spill.”_ Another lie.

,, _Come on Rey, I heard you talking about him, calling him handsome. I’m your friend, you can tell me, I promise I won’t tell anybody, I promise I won’t judge.”_

_,,If you don’t want to, I would never force you to, but maybe you need someone to listen. I’m here alright.”_

_She sounds serious about this, Rey thought._ Rose really seemed to care about this. It wasn’t simple girl talk, her friends gaze had shifted, from positively gleeful to somewhat serious and understanding. Maybe it wasn’t the worse idea to tell someone, someone else than the general, even though she still hadn’t done that.

But maybe she had found someone else that would listen to the truth, not the whole truth obviously, but something alike.

_,,It’s complicated Rose.”_ That at least was the truth.

,, _Come one, I’ve heard that one before Rey, but often it isn’t that complicated._

_If only Rose knew the truth. ,,Trust me Rose, it’s really...”_

_,,Complicated, yeah I got it, alright.”_ Rose smiled at her. _,,Rey, I know this is probably all new to your, but I’m here for you, alright? You don’t have to tell me, I just want you know that you can, if you want to, alright?”_ Rose smiled at her friend.

_,,Okay, thank you Rose, I really appreciate that, you know? You listening to me, even if I’m not really hanging out with you guys right now.”_

_,,Hey, I get that alright, you being busy and all that. Just tell if you ever need help with something, okay?_

Rey nodded.

_,,And no need to thank me, that’s what friends are for, alright? If you ever want to talk, I’m here”_ , with that Rose stood up and went to the door to leave Rey alone with her thoughts for now, having said to her friend everything she had needed to say, but before she left, she heard her friend calling out to her, so quite she could’ve missed it.

_,,Rose?”_ she asked with a small voice.

_,,Yes Rey?”_

_,,Do you, do you think that, if two people are meant to be together, that they will always find a find a way, despite every odds._

With those words, Rose’s face seemed to lighten up and she smiled at her, as if she finally understood something, not the truth, but something very important to her.

_,,I do Rey, I do believe that and I know that if anyone could do that, that would be you and whoever this other person is, he or she is extremely fortunate to have you. Never forget that!”_

With those words, Rose left her alone in her quarters. Her coffee had gone cold, but her heart felt warm, filled with warmth and something she had only briefly experienced this much once in her life. That moment in the Throne room, before it had broken her heart, but now she didn’t feel heartbreak. She felt a single tear rolling down her checks, but not because of sorrow, but of hope, hope for _them_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, leave a Kudos if you did and please do leave a comment to let me know what you thought.
> 
> Khamûl/Sascha on Twitter: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Acliptika)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six month have passed since the battle of Crait. Now that Snoke, the voices are gone, there is silence inside his head. He hates the silence. What will the future hold for the galaxy and our most-beloved forcepower-couple? Find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, I'm hoping y'all staying save and are being blessed with sunny weather, like here in Germany. I do hope you will enjoy this next chapter and you will have as much fun reading it, as I had with writing it. Feel free to leave comments, if you liked it, or if you want to tell me what you liked about it or if you have questions. Stay Safe and enjoy! As Always!  
> Please do consider leaving kudos and comments, they really do brighten my days and I love to read your thoughts and happy notes, as every author does. 
> 
> Kudos! Khamûl aka. Sascha

Silence surrounded him. Everywhere he went, the silence followed. After their fateful conversation is was silent again, inside his head. He continued to stare outside the viewport in his quarters, into the vastness of space, again scheming, not for the Order but for his own personal _ambition._

_-_ _\- -_

After her friends visit, Rey felt motivated for the day ahead, to finally voice to Leia the thoughts that had plagued her for six month. Rose final words to her before leaving her this morning still ringing inside her head.

_,,I do Rey, I do believe that and I know that if anyone could do that, that would be you and whoever this other person is, he or she is extremely fortunate to have you. Never forget that!”_

As she remembered her friends words, she again felt hope cursing through her, spreading like wings from her heart all the way to her fingertips, giving her the strength to face the conversation with Leia, something that wouldn’t be easy, but she felt was necessary if she wanted her vision to become true. _There is still hope_ , she thought to herself.

\- - -

Over the course of the years Leia Organa held many titles, Princess, Rebel, Senator, General, Hero. Among all those roles and titles, _mother_ certainly was the most challenging. There was a time before and after becoming a mother. No other title or role had been as challenging as being a mother had been, but from the moment her baby boy was placed in her awaiting arms, to the last moment shared before sending him off to her brother, she knew all of it had been worth it.

She knew she hadn’t been a good mother at times, too focused on the senate, always at work. She hadn’t known then, if she had maybe things could have been different. You cannot change the past, you can only live with the consequences and hope, to not repeat the same mistakes again.

The general glanced at the report in her hand. Their situation was bad, with no signs of improvement for the foreseeable future. They still grew in numbers, by the week, never growing short of people willing to fight for a just cause, but what they had in numbers and conviction they lacked in supply, ships and everything else.

The allies she had contacted six month ago never replied and slowly but surely even their conviction began to slowly fade with time, some more than others.

_Rey_ , she thought to herself. It seemed that Rey took their losses after Crait especially hard, of all the people Leia had thought to be affected by their current losses, Rey wasn’t among them.

Rey was a fighter. She was fierce, independent and stubborn, but most of all, she was strong.

A lifetime of Jakku will do that to you. Rey had lived her life in hardship on Jakku and stayed alive, more than that, she had lived to tell the tale, not that she ever did.

Rey was not only strong, but also very reserved and quiet, Leia noted. She never really talked about what happened before she came to their aid at the battle of Crait or what happened to her on Jakku, she had asked of course but Rey never indulged her.

She was hoping, that in time she would open herself up, talk about her past and share the worries that plagued her mind, but it seemed that Rey wasn’t ready for that yet, only time would tell.

Just as she was leaving that thought, a knock sounded at her door.

“ _Come on in”_ , she answered.

The door opened and there stood Rey, the person that had just occupied her mind, the person she was very very glad to see.

“ _Hey General, I was wondering if you had a moment to talk, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”_

“ _Oh no you’re not interrupting anything, I was hoping I could talk to you and please call me Leia.”_

“ _You were, really?”_

_,,Yes I was, but please sit down and we’ll talk like normal people, do you want something to drink?”_

“ _Water please.”_ , Rey answered in a slightly shaky voice.

Leia handed her a glass of water and sat back in her chair, folding her hands on her lap and letting out a deep sigh. _,,Yes, I was hoping I could talk to you. I can’t help but notice how quiet you’ve become after Crait, since you came back from that mission of yours.”_

_,,I’m sorry Gener...Leia, all of this is still new to me, all of these people, they all look up to me, I don’t know how to deal with that.”_

_,,And that makes you uncomfortable?”_

_,,Yes, it does, I think. They look at me and see some sort of hero, some saviour who can help them, but I’m not sure I can. I’m no hero, I’m just Rey.”_

_,,Rey”_ , Leia looked at her and in that moment she saw something, something she had seen in herself long ago, Rey was scared, just as she had been in the beginning.

_,,Rey, it’s okay. I know you are scared, you don’t have to tell me, I can see it in your eyes. I felt the same, the same as you feel right now, but that’s okay, it means you are not stupid.”_

At those words, Rey lifted her head and looked Leia in the eyes, the first time since the beginning of their conversation and felt herself smile, for the first time that day she smiled.

_,,Being scared means you know the risks, it means you know what’s at stake here, that’s what counts as being a good leader.”_

_,,But I’m no leader or hero, I’m not sure I ever want to be a hero. I just want to be Rey!”_

_,,Then be her, be Rey, but the Rey I know is a hero, even if she herself thinks she’s not. The Rey I know is strong, brave and full of compassion, all traits that show for a great leader, a hero.”_

_,,Th..Thank you Leia, I..I don’t know what to say.”_

_,,Then don’t say anything, just continue to be yourself, be Rey.”_

_,,I will, I..thank you.”_

_,,Rey, you said you wanted to talk with me about something. What is it?”_

_,,_ _Oh, I..it’s nothing really, nothing important.”_ , she knew the General didn’t buy her lie even in the slightest, the look on her face told her that she wasn’t convinced, at all, but she didn’t press her for an honest answer, she simply waited for her to continue, knowing she would tell her, when she was ready.

_,,_ _Do, do you think there is hope left, for us?”_ Not really what she wanted to ask and she had a feeling the general knew that.

_,,Rey, there is always hope, always, never doubt that, things may look dire right now, but there is still hope, I know it.”_

_,,_ _Do you think there is still hope for some people, out there, to come back.”_ , Rey knew _who_ she was talking about and it seemed that Leia perceived the hidden meaning as well, for she went very still all of a sudden and a sad and forlorn look flitted across her face.

, _,_ _Rey”,_ _she sighed._ _,,There are things that are beyond our control, as much as I wish for things to be different, you cannot force those people to change,_ _they have to change from themselves.”_

,,I..I know that, I just..I don’t know. I just want to believe that there is still hope for them.”

_,,_ _Oh Rey, my dear, did you not listen”_ , Leia laughed. , _,There is always hope, always, remember that, always.”_

Rey did remember and suddenly she had that feeling again, before she set out to find Leia, hope cursing through her, spreading like wings and she smiled again, she smiled because there was hope, because there would always be hope.

_,,_ _And you know”_ , Leia continued smiling, _“often it’s not so bad to give those people hope, something to look out for, someone to guide them, to help them find their way back.”_

Rey stilled, looking aghast at the general, a blush quickly spreading cross her face, turning her checks pink and face bright red. _,,I’m not sure, I’m following General.”_

, _,Oh I’m sure you do, there is nothing to be ashamed of Rey, just promise me you will be careful and do what you think is right, I know you will."_

_,,I..I promise Leia, I will.”_

_,,I know.”_

With those words Rey, still a bit shaken by Leia’s final words, stood up and left her untouched glass of water alone on the table, leaving for her quarters.

Despite her close admission, she felt relieved, a small burden had lifted from her shoulders. That feelings of hope was now more present than ever, again filling her with warms and promises for a future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, leave a Kudos if you did and please do leave a comment to let me know what you thought.
> 
> Khamûl/Sascha on Twitter: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Acliptika)


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